My Dad was my Father, not God...

First listen to this song,
http://youtu.be/djrY_eFDOwE
The rest of this post will make much more sense.


God the Father,

I never fully understood it

So many people struggle with 

God as a Father.

Usually When I come across someone

who has trouble viewing God as a Father,

It's because they had a crappy dad.

I don't (do) mean to brag,

But.. 

My dad is better than your dad.

He is by no means a perfect human being

or he would be Jesus,

But he is perfect in my eyes.

He gets me.

He loves me.

He prays for me.

He showed me that your past does not

dictate your future.

He showed me that I can do anything I put my mind to.

and  loved me so unconditionally 

especially through times of silence from me.

I put my parents through a great deal of

silence

 and therefore

pain

But they loved me still, they never gave up.

because of hurts by friends growing up and my 

own point of view, I shut down

I shut them out

My parents were not my safe place,

for many years.

Much of my high school life

was

and still 

is

a secret to them.

I was doing stupid things, 

and knew they wouldn't approve

and  I knew it would hurt them.

mostly because they raised me to be better than 

how I was acting.

so I made a habit of telling them nothing

still,

they prayed for me

and tried their best to be a part 

of my life. 

They showed me unconditional love.

and comforted me in times when I was vulnerable enough to be

comforted.

My dad hugs me every day

every day that I am in his presence

hugs

multiple times a day

and loving words when I am struggling

My dad operates in my love languages

he IS my love languages.

I think without even trying,

He just IS perfection to me.
Because he does his best to be my dad
and that's all I can ask for

_____________________________

When I looked at God, the Trinity (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit)

I saw Holy Spirit -- Helping me, guiding me, being my conscience

I saw Jesus -- My friend, someone I can pray in the name of

Someone who understands everything I am going through because

He walked the Earth -- He understands

And I saw God the Father as, God but not a father

The One who oversees my life, makes sure I'm taken care of

the One Jesus advocates for me to

just God, not a Father,

I couldn't understand how 

God is a Father.

When I was sad, I didn't feel Him comfort me

like my dad would.

I couldn't hear His words of love

whispered in my ear.

I just couldn't understand how 

any Dad could be better than

Avery Evashkevich,

not Even God,

After really experiencing Jesus this year,
(which is in another blog post earlier this year)
everything has changed in my view of God.
I felt God the Father comfort me in a way I've never been before

I have come to realize that God is my Father
I can now finally see how God the Father comforts me,
How God the Father looks after me,
I can finally hear Him whisper in my ear, words of comfort.
I realize now that it doesn't look the same as my dad's comfort

 

Because God is not a physical being.

therefore it's hard to hug someone.

and that's all I was looking for , for many years

But now I see all the different ways 

God the Father

comforts me,

It's amazing.

It's comforting,

My dad is

STILL

the best dad in the world.

Especially since our relationship 

has been rekindled, and the years of silence are over.

My dad is still better than your dad.  ;)

but he is still not perfect, because he is human,

and I am glad for that because

My God, God the Father..

He is perfect,

He is a GOOD GOOD Father,

That's who He is

and I am LOVED my Him,

That's Who I am.

This is Springtime.
Hugs and beans
Alia Evashkevich

There's no REAL explaination

or formula to how I got to the point where I am now,

Just a lot of seeking God the Father 

when it felt like He was silent.

It's like an experience that can't really

be explained with words.. 

i encourage you to seek God,

whatever 'spiritual level' you're at...

OVERSTIMULATED

Tonight was the soft opening of the FOUNDATION.
A Youth Unlimited drop in centre in Millbourne.

If I'm honest

I was scared when I was on my way there. 

Reason being - It's not my niche yet.

Yet,

I'd never been before

and I kept thinking 

what if they don't like me? 

What if I clam up and chill in the corner? and then the staff and other volunteers think i'm a total fail and wonder why i'm even in college for this anyway...

Yeah, I'm an almost graduated Youth Worker...

Why am I thinking these things??

Because anxiety doesn't make sense.

That's why..

So I prayed

What else could I do?

Jesus, please let tonight be amazing for the kids

even if I just watch them enjoy the new space

and even if it's hard to get to know the teens

I just want them to have fun tonight. 

Amen

________________________________________________________________________

I pull up to the community centre,

Before I even get out of the car, 

there is a girl and her brother waiting there for me

to ask me what my name was and if i was a volunteer

Oh the innocence. 

All night, I just kept thinking,

Wow, these kids are honestly not what I expected

I had never met them before.. So I guess I didn't know

WHAT

to expect.. 

They were so kind.. 

some of them rowdy... but they're youngsters,

what can you do.. 

but accepting

even when I let my laugh loose...

I usually wait until a month into the 

relationship

before I let that out... not tonight! 

My mind just kept going back to the girl I first met

so innocent, so kind, so loving, so... childlike.

She was so trusting right off the get-go.

because she knew the PLACE she was, 

was a place that can be trusted. 

I was thrown into thinking...

We become so jaded. 

By the time we are in early adolescence, 

Jaded, weary, and untrusting. 

During adolescence,

jr.high.

we experience the hurt of human beings. 

and we usually never come back from it. 

Life becomes about serving ourselves

and what can we get from other people?

not what can we give?

When we give, we also receive. 

When we are at a place we can trust,

we can also trust the people usually..

Bible College,

Church,

Youth Group.

I trust these PLACES,

I trust the people

(until proven otherwise,

I'm not stupid)

My thoughts are everywhere right now.. 

haven't quite processed everything .

Over stimulated right now

won't sleep for sure. 

I want to get back to a place of giving;

my energy, and my TIME.

 Valuable time. 

Time, 

We can never get it back, 

we can only spend it. 

& the best way to spend it...

With God and With people. 

Love God, Love people.
right?  

Give your heart.

if it breaks

God can fix it. 

Be wise, 

but give your heart away

give your time generously. 

allow people to see YOU

take off your mask 

I want a child-like (not childish) faith.

but I also want a child-like trust in humanity

call me naive, 

but I'm tired of being jaded, 

of using my hurts to keep myself distant. 

I've been on a journey for the past year 

to become a more vulnerable person..

I am becoming that. 

It's amazing

I get to let people see a part of me 

that is everything all at once. 

It's light, and deep dark, 

it's joy and sorrow 

it's laughter and tears. 

I was hurt terribly just after high school

 I thought I'd never recover. 

But I'm a survivor. 

I am vulnerable,

I am Bold.

 G'night, hugs and beans.

disclaimer:  I did not explore many areas in this blog post.. please don't stone me for not talking about how people's hearts break and they never learn... or how not everyone can be trusted and how we need to be careful and have people EARN our trust before we give our heart away... 

WHEN I SAY, 'GIVE YOUR HEART AWAY' I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT A BOYFRIEND GIRLFRIEND RELATIONSHIP... THAT'S DIFFERENT... BUT EVERYONE DESERVES TO SEE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE... LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE.. 

also.. just a fun video to make you think... 
be the punchline..
I Like Laughter

Flirting is selfish: Please stop using me.

"Flirting with wrong intentions
is so selfish" is what my roommate
always says.  She's got it right..

Because my generation needs to 

GET A GRIP

on this dating thing. 

Here's my advice...

It's biased, because it's my experience.. 

but it's also a lot of others' experience too.
It is also not the Gospel Truth probably but

Here's five tips.. 

Lesson 1: A date is not a marriage proposal

First of all.. how hard is it to ask someone on a date

I get it. you're scared of rejection

but you're gonna miss out on someone 

awesome

and kick yourself for it. 

TAKE THE FREAKING RISK ALREADY

If you see something you like...

ASK FOR IT.

If you don't like coffee get a Big Mac

with her...

Gosh, it's really not hard! 

Going on a date is not

 a marriage proposal..

Let me say this again for the GUYS

Going on a date is not a marriage proposal

Okay.. now let me say it again for the GIRLS

Going on a date is NOT  a marriage proposal.

Honestly people

GO ON DATES!! 

how will you ever know if you

are actually interested in that person 

and want to be in a relationship with them

if your first date is AFTER you are 

Facebook official, or after your first kiss?
by this time you've already committed

 

If you're a guy and you're like 

"hmm. that girl is pretty,

she loves Jesus,

she can read,

these are all things I want in a girl"

THEN ASK HER OUT

honestly.

AND FOR THE LADIES OUT THERE

sometimes, the guy asking you on a date,

or to coffee.. they don't look like much

but they might be amazing.

don't say no to dates. 

these guys are actually getting the guts

to ASK YOU OUT on a date

and if you say no.. you're just ruining it for 

OTHER GIRLS

--

you don't even have to go on a second date

I don't give a hoot about that. 

but at least give him a chance.  

Lesson 2: DON'T FLIRT UNLESS YOU MEAN IT

This one hits home real hard for me

I'm easy going.

I like to laugh

I love jokes

I LOVE making other people laugh.

I love inside jokes 

but know what I love more than this?

When a guy is NOT flirting with me

because he doesn't like me. 

This one is for girls too.

I'm guilty of this.. usually because someone else starts it. 

But I don't stop it. 

If you have no intentions of pursuing someone.

DON'T FLIRT WITH THEM

if you do, you're actually so incredibly 

SELFISH

All these people who flirt and then

turn around and say 

"uh.. wuut?  I don't like you,

I don't wanna date you

where did you get that from

who told you that?"

I GOT IT FROM YOUR FACE

My roommate told me that back in her day,
Everyone just treated each other as normal friends
and if someone started flirting with you, it was because
they like you.
and you didn't have to REALLY wonder if they did
Now-days.
If someone is flirting with you,
you still wonder if they like you,
but they might not..
how will we ever know?

honest.

I could rant this lesson for hours!!

Why would I even WANT to date a guy

who I've watched flirt with other girls

and have no intentions?

It's rude. 

It hurts feelings

and it's intentional -- because you have no intention.

So don't call me crazy when I suddenly

start seeing you in a different light.

It's because you literally uprooted yourself from 

my "Garden of Friends" to

my living room flower pot. 

 you did this. 

Not me. 

I will no longer stand for this behaviour.

just FYI.

I don't deserve this. 

If you are flirting with me. 

you damn well better have the right intentions

because I'm not playing around. 

I'm not 12 anymore. 

And I am currently not afraid to call you out.

So watch it. please and thank you. 

If  you think you might want to date me 

and you are just testing the waters. 

Amen. 

I accept that. 

But if you're doing it just because I'm easy going 

and can make a good laugh.. just Don't

Thanks.. 

Moving on. 

Lesson 3: THE FRIEND ZONE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE A DEATH SENTENCE

In my personal opinion. 

I think ' The Friend Zone'

should be like a ...  house

There are a few people I've put on 

house arrest in this friend house...

Because I already dated them

or we are just not interested 

in any way shape or form

.. Like we just DO NOT get along.

Other than that.. people are pretty much free to 

come and go as they please.

Even if we talked about how good of friends we are

and how just friends we are.. 

there's always room for improvement. 

Unless I am related to you by blood, there will

always be a time for you to walk out the front door

you may not be successful at being my boyfriend

but at least you tried. 

I know this will be offensive to some.

but

when people say

"That person is just my best friend

I would never date them.."

uh.  ok. 

you're rude.

If that person is good enough to be your 

BEST FRIEND

then why are they not good enough to be your 

girl/boy friend?

They OBVIOUSLY GET YOU

yes yes, i know sometimes

it doesn't work

I dated a guy in college who 

was honestly my best friend. 

but when we dated we found out 

we just weren't ready

It's more like a maturity thing..

He was an AMAZING guy. 

I literally have no bad things to say 

but we just didn't work out at that time. 

I had a lot of things I was going through.

But at least we tried!!

That's what I'm getting at. 

Had we not dated. We never would have known

and I'm actually convinced 

I would have wondered for the rest of my life .

Stop friend zoning people for life

It's not a freaking death/life sentence

it's more like community service. 

Lesson 4: DON'T GET MARRIED ON THE FIRST DATE...

This sounds odd.. 

but I have witnessed soooo many times

and been a part of it.. 

so often people start dating and their

;honey moon; dating stage consists of

spending literally every second together.

kissing in hall ways. 

being at each others house 

from wee hours in the morning

to wee hours in the morning.

yah. get it?

you're 'going steady'

as my mom would call it 

you're in a dating relationship

you're dating. 

you're NOT married. 

so take a break. 

don't be so serious 

so fast. 

honestly. 

you potentially have the rest 

of your life to spend with this person

you don't have to be with them every second of the day

So hang out with your other friends...
and TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE
yeah. your friends are happy for you but your
friendship with that person is not about your relationship
you're going to lose friends if that's ALL you ever talk about
your relationship is NOT your friendship with others.
Remember that while your other friends are happy for you
they also just want to be your friend... not your diary for all
the amazing things that your boyfriend does-- single ladies
start to feel awful when you do this.

One time I was listening to CISN radio

and they have a segment called 

"is it normal"

one girl called in and said she 

sits on her newly-married husbands lap...

when he uses the bathroom because she 

just wants to spend as much time with him 

as she can get.

WHAT?!??!?!?!

yah. not normal.. I'm still scarred from this.

I know you don't go that far.. 

but sometimes that's what it feels like

there's no personal space

no alone time

no time with God 

because you're too busy being married 

even though you haven't even met his parents yet.
No wonder people don't wanna date...

because they don't want to be married.

Lesson 5: We don't need to or want to know everything about you two. 

I don't care if you update your relationship status on Facebook

but you don't have to update everyone on 

EVERY THING s/he does. 

we don't really care that he bought you 

flowers, a teddy and chocolates

this goes back to my previous blog

we don't care. 

create community and tell someone 

who does.

especially speaking from a single girl 

point of view

you make me feel like crap for being single. 

when you post everything about your relationship 

on social media.. we get jealous. 

yeah. I said it. 

Jealous.
Congratulations

because that's what your intentions are anyway

even if it's subconscious. 

take a picture and send it to your mom, not to Facebook. 

 Thank you. 

I want to be married some day. 

I'm by no means

desperate.

I'm still so young. 

but I'm tired of being that girl that guys are so comfortable with because they have 'friend zoned' me that they think they can just flirt up a storm. That is not what friends do. So be a man.. grow up and treat me proper.  I'm tired of being hurt by guys who flirt and have no intentions of being my future boyfriend.  If you just wanna get to know me. tell me. be honest. if you realize suddenly, ' oh. you're actually not what I'm looking for... be honest.honesty hurts sometimes but it's the best policy. if you don't.. then treat me like you would your sister. unless you're a weirdo who flirts with their sister.. then I just probably don't want to be that close to you anyway... only to evangelize.. lol.  I'd rather know that you're just getting to know me, or you're going on dates with other girls, or you just realized you actually aren't interested.  I'd rather all of those things than be led on and then find out that you didn't even like me to begin with because that hurts a heck of a lot more. 

Sorrynotsorry

for ranting. 

But I'm just tired ..

and feeling Bold.
I'm actually really nice
but I'm tired of thinking of this
and only telling my girl friends
because I'm scared of confrontation.
Here comes the Bold Alia. : )

Hugs and beans.

I fell in love...

hmm. : )
a sigh of happiness..

I'm in love.

deep, passionate, burning

love.

I am in a place right now where;
nothing could shake me.

Nothing can bring me down 

right Now.

I have experienced Jesus'

love so intimately this week

and nothing can take that 

from Me.

My heart has a burning passion

to tell everyone and anyone about

Jesus.

                                                                                                                

As you might know.. 

I have decided that Facebook and I are on a break

It's not you; it's.... wait.

It is you.

Sorry.. I can't blame it all on Facebook

But it makes me do things I don't want to.

All too often I scroll my news feed deciding who

is important enough and funny enough to receive a

"like" .

 As if to play god for a moment and tell you if you 

are worthy of my interest.. 

Other times I'll go knee deep into your 

profile pictures

or..worse,

your tagged pictures. 

I judge you.

yes.

I said it.

I judge you.

And this is why Facebook and I are on a break

not broken up.. just... 

seeing other people

Honest. 

I've begun to tell real life people

about my day, my joys, my struggles,

and the things that make me laugh.... 

For instance.. I was at McDonalds for lunch

on Tuesday... 

Waiting for my food this short and stalky guy 

with a white skullet 

pulled back into a low pony tail

leans over to me and says;

"You kid's got the day off school?

Or is it just lunch time?"

To which I replied...

Pardon?

I don't know why this surprised me so much

cause I've been told numerous times I look 16

He replied with the same question.. 

I then said. 

Uh.. Not sure... I go to College

He says;

"Oh my word...

uh.. 

sorry...

I thought you were 13 or 14.."

Why are you talking to a 13 or 14 year old?

kinda odd, if i say so myself...

But the cool thing about this weird conversation..

I got to tell him about Vanguard, 

and about how i'm going to be a youth worker/pastor

It was cool!

Anywho... back to that other stuff I was talking about. 

Telling real people about my life 

has opened up opportunity to be

in community

crazy.

But I've never felt so happy.

I've got Joy.

I am also medicated for 

Depression and Anxiety

yah. scary words.

Depression Depression Depression. 

Anxiety Anxiety Anxiety.

There. I said it.

It's only because of Jesus that I have joy

For the past two years, it's been Jesus

Even when life gets hard and I'm not happy

Jesus give me Joy

And this week I have had so much

opportunity to walk in the Spirit

I've been able to be where I am

Wherever I am ... I AM ALL THERE

because I don't have to be on Social media

Three times this week I have been asked

by the Holy Spirit to ask someone if 

they want/need prayer. and it has been 

significant.

Doors open for us when we obey.

Mike Love came to my practicum class to

share his testimony of Extreme Dream.

He said this:

"There is a generation waiting on the other

side of your obedience"

Holy Moses. That got me good. 

How can we be obedient if we are so busy?

If we are drowning out God's voice with

Reality TV

Social Media

Games

Music

these things aren't bad Don't get me wrong. 

But we don't always use them for GOOD.

So let's open ourselves up to what God

has in store for us. 

We could be JUST what someone needs

 in times of trouble. 

I wish I could sit down with everyone 

and just tell them about Jesus and how He is

changing

my life right now. 

There are at least 5 things this week that have 

fanned into flame the passion I have

to tell everyone I meet about Jesus.

 

This is to all my Vanguard people... 

I know November is cray

and you have assignments.  but

CHAPEL IS MORE IMPORTANT

(this year.. even the Student Council 

Chapel's are good.. they won't waste your 

time)

you'll never get the opportunity

to be in community like this again

and you'll regret it later if you don't

take advantage now.

.God. is in Chapel.

that should be the reason you go. 

I know you don't consider it a class. 

but 1. It should be. 

2. IT'S GOD'S TIME

so honour HIM, and He'll honour you. 

EVERY CLASS we take,

and EVERY CHAPEL we attend

God is there.

Jesus is there. 

Holy Spirit is there. 

we can learn from every time-block

we are at school. so

Grow up

and go to Chapel. 

Be enriched.

If you didn't go to 

Spiritual Enrichment Days

I feel sorry for you. 

It was enriching and you missed out

because you don't think GOD time

is as important as class time

so you ditched because it's

"just chapel and it isn't worth it"

Get to know others in the school

pray for people.

lay hands.

ask for healing

love one another

because

Christ loves us.

#sorrynotsorryforharshwords

Hugs and Beans

Negativity is ruining my life.

Man, I cannot get over how easy it is to get stuck in the negative mind set

Negativity, Negativity, Negativity

all around us, every day, there is something that is wrong. 

We will not be satisfied. not even if we tried. 

Trying is lying. 

Facebook, Instagram, Twitter.
There is a never ending news feed full
full of things we do not want to see
or of things we wish we could be.
Why do we always want what we cannot have?
I am so tired of wanting someone else's life
I forget that I have my own-- and I have an amazing life.

A friend from my childhood started sending names of flowers to people

so they can post it on their facebook page.

This is to interrupt the flow of negativity on the newsfeed. 

But how many of us will see these flowers and not give it a second thought

or even a first thought. 

In case you're wondering, here's the flower I was assigned. 

Take a second and just enjoy the beauty of God's creation 

I hate what we are becoming.
I just want to be with the ones I love.
But I am so distracted by people I do not care about on my newsfeed
Oops, did I say that out loud?
I do care for people.. don't get me wrong, but how much better
would our conversations be if I didn't already know everything about you
because I read your facebook page?
 I feel like my grad class doesn't even need a 10 year reunion in a few years
I already know what everyone is doing...
the only one's I don't have on facebook are the ones who deleted me
since I became a Christian -- A sold out Christian that is..

 I am so over social media, and yet.

yet.

 I cannot seem to leave it alone. 

I use it to procrastinate on my assignments. 

then cry when I'm late handing in an assignment.

I cry

Cry

Crazy. 

How many times will I do this to myself?

I looked at a my school marks today --
I couldn't figure out an assignment.
I gave up
I got negative
I didn't hand it in.
Brought my average down 15%..
I cried.
 

Negativity is ruining my life. 

My school,

My friends, 

My passion,

My zeal. 

Here's to positivity -- If you're not going to do your best to be positive,  I don't want to be near you.

sorry not sorry

Thank you very much. 

Hugs and Beans.