Flirting is selfish: Please stop using me.

"Flirting with wrong intentions
is so selfish" is what my roommate
always says.  She's got it right..

Because my generation needs to 

GET A GRIP

on this dating thing. 

Here's my advice...

It's biased, because it's my experience.. 

but it's also a lot of others' experience too.
It is also not the Gospel Truth probably but

Here's five tips.. 

Lesson 1: A date is not a marriage proposal

First of all.. how hard is it to ask someone on a date

I get it. you're scared of rejection

but you're gonna miss out on someone 

awesome

and kick yourself for it. 

TAKE THE FREAKING RISK ALREADY

If you see something you like...

ASK FOR IT.

If you don't like coffee get a Big Mac

with her...

Gosh, it's really not hard! 

Going on a date is not

 a marriage proposal..

Let me say this again for the GUYS

Going on a date is not a marriage proposal

Okay.. now let me say it again for the GIRLS

Going on a date is NOT  a marriage proposal.

Honestly people

GO ON DATES!! 

how will you ever know if you

are actually interested in that person 

and want to be in a relationship with them

if your first date is AFTER you are 

Facebook official, or after your first kiss?
by this time you've already committed

 

If you're a guy and you're like 

"hmm. that girl is pretty,

she loves Jesus,

she can read,

these are all things I want in a girl"

THEN ASK HER OUT

honestly.

AND FOR THE LADIES OUT THERE

sometimes, the guy asking you on a date,

or to coffee.. they don't look like much

but they might be amazing.

don't say no to dates. 

these guys are actually getting the guts

to ASK YOU OUT on a date

and if you say no.. you're just ruining it for 

OTHER GIRLS

--

you don't even have to go on a second date

I don't give a hoot about that. 

but at least give him a chance.  

Lesson 2: DON'T FLIRT UNLESS YOU MEAN IT

This one hits home real hard for me

I'm easy going.

I like to laugh

I love jokes

I LOVE making other people laugh.

I love inside jokes 

but know what I love more than this?

When a guy is NOT flirting with me

because he doesn't like me. 

This one is for girls too.

I'm guilty of this.. usually because someone else starts it. 

But I don't stop it. 

If you have no intentions of pursuing someone.

DON'T FLIRT WITH THEM

if you do, you're actually so incredibly 

SELFISH

All these people who flirt and then

turn around and say 

"uh.. wuut?  I don't like you,

I don't wanna date you

where did you get that from

who told you that?"

I GOT IT FROM YOUR FACE

My roommate told me that back in her day,
Everyone just treated each other as normal friends
and if someone started flirting with you, it was because
they like you.
and you didn't have to REALLY wonder if they did
Now-days.
If someone is flirting with you,
you still wonder if they like you,
but they might not..
how will we ever know?

honest.

I could rant this lesson for hours!!

Why would I even WANT to date a guy

who I've watched flirt with other girls

and have no intentions?

It's rude. 

It hurts feelings

and it's intentional -- because you have no intention.

So don't call me crazy when I suddenly

start seeing you in a different light.

It's because you literally uprooted yourself from 

my "Garden of Friends" to

my living room flower pot. 

 you did this. 

Not me. 

I will no longer stand for this behaviour.

just FYI.

I don't deserve this. 

If you are flirting with me. 

you damn well better have the right intentions

because I'm not playing around. 

I'm not 12 anymore. 

And I am currently not afraid to call you out.

So watch it. please and thank you. 

If  you think you might want to date me 

and you are just testing the waters. 

Amen. 

I accept that. 

But if you're doing it just because I'm easy going 

and can make a good laugh.. just Don't

Thanks.. 

Moving on. 

Lesson 3: THE FRIEND ZONE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE A DEATH SENTENCE

In my personal opinion. 

I think ' The Friend Zone'

should be like a ...  house

There are a few people I've put on 

house arrest in this friend house...

Because I already dated them

or we are just not interested 

in any way shape or form

.. Like we just DO NOT get along.

Other than that.. people are pretty much free to 

come and go as they please.

Even if we talked about how good of friends we are

and how just friends we are.. 

there's always room for improvement. 

Unless I am related to you by blood, there will

always be a time for you to walk out the front door

you may not be successful at being my boyfriend

but at least you tried. 

I know this will be offensive to some.

but

when people say

"That person is just my best friend

I would never date them.."

uh.  ok. 

you're rude.

If that person is good enough to be your 

BEST FRIEND

then why are they not good enough to be your 

girl/boy friend?

They OBVIOUSLY GET YOU

yes yes, i know sometimes

it doesn't work

I dated a guy in college who 

was honestly my best friend. 

but when we dated we found out 

we just weren't ready

It's more like a maturity thing..

He was an AMAZING guy. 

I literally have no bad things to say 

but we just didn't work out at that time. 

I had a lot of things I was going through.

But at least we tried!!

That's what I'm getting at. 

Had we not dated. We never would have known

and I'm actually convinced 

I would have wondered for the rest of my life .

Stop friend zoning people for life

It's not a freaking death/life sentence

it's more like community service. 

Lesson 4: DON'T GET MARRIED ON THE FIRST DATE...

This sounds odd.. 

but I have witnessed soooo many times

and been a part of it.. 

so often people start dating and their

;honey moon; dating stage consists of

spending literally every second together.

kissing in hall ways. 

being at each others house 

from wee hours in the morning

to wee hours in the morning.

yah. get it?

you're 'going steady'

as my mom would call it 

you're in a dating relationship

you're dating. 

you're NOT married. 

so take a break. 

don't be so serious 

so fast. 

honestly. 

you potentially have the rest 

of your life to spend with this person

you don't have to be with them every second of the day

So hang out with your other friends...
and TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE
yeah. your friends are happy for you but your
friendship with that person is not about your relationship
you're going to lose friends if that's ALL you ever talk about
your relationship is NOT your friendship with others.
Remember that while your other friends are happy for you
they also just want to be your friend... not your diary for all
the amazing things that your boyfriend does-- single ladies
start to feel awful when you do this.

One time I was listening to CISN radio

and they have a segment called 

"is it normal"

one girl called in and said she 

sits on her newly-married husbands lap...

when he uses the bathroom because she 

just wants to spend as much time with him 

as she can get.

WHAT?!??!?!?!

yah. not normal.. I'm still scarred from this.

I know you don't go that far.. 

but sometimes that's what it feels like

there's no personal space

no alone time

no time with God 

because you're too busy being married 

even though you haven't even met his parents yet.
No wonder people don't wanna date...

because they don't want to be married.

Lesson 5: We don't need to or want to know everything about you two. 

I don't care if you update your relationship status on Facebook

but you don't have to update everyone on 

EVERY THING s/he does. 

we don't really care that he bought you 

flowers, a teddy and chocolates

this goes back to my previous blog

we don't care. 

create community and tell someone 

who does.

especially speaking from a single girl 

point of view

you make me feel like crap for being single. 

when you post everything about your relationship 

on social media.. we get jealous. 

yeah. I said it. 

Jealous.
Congratulations

because that's what your intentions are anyway

even if it's subconscious. 

take a picture and send it to your mom, not to Facebook. 

 Thank you. 

I want to be married some day. 

I'm by no means

desperate.

I'm still so young. 

but I'm tired of being that girl that guys are so comfortable with because they have 'friend zoned' me that they think they can just flirt up a storm. That is not what friends do. So be a man.. grow up and treat me proper.  I'm tired of being hurt by guys who flirt and have no intentions of being my future boyfriend.  If you just wanna get to know me. tell me. be honest. if you realize suddenly, ' oh. you're actually not what I'm looking for... be honest.honesty hurts sometimes but it's the best policy. if you don't.. then treat me like you would your sister. unless you're a weirdo who flirts with their sister.. then I just probably don't want to be that close to you anyway... only to evangelize.. lol.  I'd rather know that you're just getting to know me, or you're going on dates with other girls, or you just realized you actually aren't interested.  I'd rather all of those things than be led on and then find out that you didn't even like me to begin with because that hurts a heck of a lot more. 

Sorrynotsorry

for ranting. 

But I'm just tired ..

and feeling Bold.
I'm actually really nice
but I'm tired of thinking of this
and only telling my girl friends
because I'm scared of confrontation.
Here comes the Bold Alia. : )

Hugs and beans.